i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Enjoy the penises
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
