farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize