I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize