how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
