I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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