dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize