so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
