apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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