I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
