Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
