I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
