I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
