Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
