I'm really into asian looking animals
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So much Jack, so little girl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
