tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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