dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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