I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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