you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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