ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently you make a good broom.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
