Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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