I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
