You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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