No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
