Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize