Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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