We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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