I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
