I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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