just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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