zippers are such a cool invention
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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