Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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