Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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