We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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