In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
