I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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