I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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