Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
