New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We're too hungover to prance.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
