I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
