I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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