i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
