Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
