is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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