I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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