I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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