apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
