Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
