He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
