she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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