i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
