Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
