just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
