He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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