"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
