when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
