I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
