You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
