smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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