My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
