dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
