Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
