pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
