so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
