all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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