Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
