Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
