I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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