So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
