no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize