My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize